Dear God, (March 16th, 2009)
I feel like being mad at You, but I know that that wouldn’t solve anything. I can’t let how I feel dictate what I believe about You or how I live my life. I know that all You have allowed in my life is for my good and Your glory.
I’m so exhausted, Father, and I don’t know why. My mind feels so foggy and my thoughts are muddled and confused. Please give me peaceful rest, my Abba. Help me to still be able to rise early and spend time with You, even when I am so tired.
Rekindle the fire in my heart, O God. I am losing my focus. I am finding myself thinking that maybe I shouldn’t go into missions, that it doesn’t really matter how I spend my time or my life. I just feel like having fun and staying here in KC (where I know people) forever. I don’t feel like getting uncomfortable and moving somewhere new. Oh God, what is wrong with me?!? I say that I trust You, yet I doubt that You’ll provide a missions-minded husband for me. I doubt that You’ll provide the money for me to make it through NTBI without going into debt. I want to trust You, Lord; please help my unbelief.
I am not showing Your love to others; I am showing way too much selfish, proud, stubborn Rachel. Help me to show You and Your love to those around me. I must decrease; O Father, please increase!