Dear God, (March 11th, 2009)
I am failing to meet my personal goals. I am battling apathy in my heart. God, I want to care about You. I want to be truly passionate about You.
We listened to a tape last night in which the speaker said that if there is a distinct lack of passion for God in our lives, then something is seriously wrong. It means that we have idols in our hearts that are getting the attention and devotion that You deserve. I think that is very true. In fact, I think that that’s what the problem is in my life. I have idols that I need to identify, repent of and then SMASH and replace with You. I think my biggest idol is probably the fear of man. I care too much what others think of me. I do a lot of things just so that other people will notice me. I get upset when people ignore me or talk to/spend time with others instead. How can I put You as #1 and still spend time with people? I want to be satisfied with You, and not go to others for my comfort and security.
Oh, God, I am not loving You with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I am giving my time, focus, and attention to things and not to You. I am loving others and their attention more than I am loving You. I am giving things and projects more focus and time than I am giving You. I am proud, vain and self-centered. I am trying to get, get, get in relationships instead of giving. I am such a hypocrite! I profess to know You and love You, yet I serve my idols more than I serve You! I do not love You with an undivided heart! Oh ABBA, FORGIVE ME!