Prayer Journal Entry #59: Just Don't Care

Dear God, (March 5th, 2009)
I need You so much. There is so much going on in my life, and I don’t know how to deal with it all. I don’t know which way to turn. I am overwhelmed by all the tension and struggles I am facing in my life. Help me to trust that You are indeed here, with me, ready and waiting to help me and mold me.
Abba, I’m frustrated with our family’s financial situation. It seems so unfair that someone would hack into our family’s bank account and drain it when we barely scrape by every month, trying to pay our bills. Help me to trust You to provide for us.
Lord, help me to be passionate about You. Sometimes I feel so on fire for You; I just want to spread the Gospel, make You known everywhere, and spend time with You, getting to know You better. But other times, my flesh just plain doesn’t want to. My body rebels against rising at 5am to spend time with You, and against sleeping on the floor to prepare for the mission field. My mind tells me, "what does it really matter if you get up and spend time in the Word...?" I just plain out DON’T CARE! And it scares me. It scares me that I feel this apathy towards You, Your Word, praying, etc. Oh God, help me! I want to care about You in my heart, regardless of what my mind and body feel or don’t feel like doing. I want to truly love You! I want to truly know You! Help me, Abba! I need You!
Yours Forever,
Rachel