Dear God, (May 30th, 2008)
I watched a video last night about a young woman (Rachel Scott) who was killed when she was just 17 years old. It got me thinking about how much life I have left to live. I don’t know if this is from You or not, but I have a sense that I may not live past the age of 20. Like I said, I could be totally wrong about this...but I sense somehow that I don’t have long to live. I feel an urgency in me somehow, to make a difference...to spread the Gospel and I feel like I don’t have much time to do so.
So, if I start living like I’m dying, [with my priorities being: glorifying You in all that I think, say and do; spreading the Gospel; helping those in need; and motivating Christians to take up their cross and follow You] but then I end up living a long time, what do I do? Does living like you’re dying prepare you for living until you die?
Or, if I just keep on living like I have lots of time left to live, but then I die soon, what do I do? I think it would be a waste!
Father, I sense that You are asking me to surrender this comfortable life of ease that I am living to go and serve You overseas. You have burdened me with a longing to reach prostitutes and other hurting women in another country...maybe in Europe. Is this from You, or is this from me? If I were to get ready and just go over there to minister, would I find that I am not equipped to do the work? Would I be a failure, like Mom and Dad? I don’t want to fail. Not that I resist the idea of failing; no, I don’t mind it at all. I just would hate to waste others’ time and money on my ministry if it’s not what I’m supposed to be doing. Lord, if this is really of You, please let Mom and Dad not be opposed to it. God, I want to listen to, and follow, You. Guide me...strengthen my faith.