Dear God, (February 11th, 2009)
Many times since the onset of these chest pains, numbness and difficulty breathing I have thought of how this pertains to going through deep waters. I feel like every day is a struggle to keep my head above water. I feel like I’m drowning because I am fighting so hard to stay concious and alive. And then my chest has that ‘being squeezed’ feeling and I get dizzy and my arm goes numb, it feels like I’m going under water, and I have to struggle to come back up. I am so exhausted. My body is worn out.
I have found a passage in Your Word that talks about going through deep waters that really encouraged me today. It says, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you." (Is 43:1-2) Not only am I not alone in this struggle through deep waters, but he says, "when you pass..." —I am not in these deep waters to stay. I am just passing through them. There will be an end to my struggles with this. Maybe it will end because God heals me, or maybe because God calls me home. Whichever way he chooses is fine with me. Abba, however long You keep me in these deep waters is fine with me. I know You are in control of this, it is part of Your plan. You are using this to help me grow, and for that I praise You. May You get all the glory. I know that You are with me in this struggle.