Dear God, (June 28th, 2007)
I’m really struggling right now with homesickness. I really miss Uruguay. But also, I know that if I were there, I’d miss being here. In truth, though, I don’t really belong anywhere. Except in Heaven. I’m so glad You’re preparing a home for me there. I belong to You, so I’ll feel quite at home there, I think.
I don’t think anyone else who is not a missionary kid can really understand how hard it is to feel so insecure at times; like you don’t really fit in anywhere. They can’t understand how hard it is to keep having to say "good-bye."
But even most missionary kids don’t know how hard it is to resign. They don’t know the pain that comes with seeing your parents fail at their lifelong goal of serving God overseas. They don’t know the fear that comes with seeing your future loom in front of you, taunting and jeering; saying, "you weren’t good enough in the past; what makes you think you can do better in the future?" They don’t know the discouragement and disillusionment that you feel when failure is all you know. They don’t know what it’s like to not succeed.
It hurts, God. I’m hurting. This wound seems like it was just made and like it’ll never heal. I need You.