Dear God, (April 17th, 2007)
I don’t know how I’ll ever be like You. It seems like the harder I try, the more I fail. I struggle with being inconsistent. I have bitterness in my heart. I have wounds that I keep picking the scabs off of, so they never heal.
I have hopes, dreams and aspirations that a voice inside me says are too high. My parents say I’ll never be good enough, that there’s no way I can be a home schooling mom of 13 and be a Christian recording artist. What they don’t know is that I also want to be an author and speaker. Mom says that since last year I wanted to be a doctor and now I want to be a recording artist, she’s just waiting for this to pass, too. But I don’t think this’ll pass, ‘cause I think this is a call from You. But I’m not sure.
Anyways, I feel like it’s almost hopeless to try to become like You, ‘cause I can’t do it by myself. So I guess what I’m saying is "I need Your help" ‘cause there’s no way I can do it by myself. Give me Your strength, please, to do Your will in Your way in me. Help me fight (and beat) sin. Help me clean up my life. Please clean my heart, too. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.