Dear God, (April 9th, 2007)
I’m so lonely. I don’t have many friends and the few friends I do have I only see 2-3 times a week. And the only things they talk about (at those times) are superficial. They’re empty. I feel like I don’t have anyone I can confide in.
We talked about this with my Youth Pastor the other day when we (my older brother and I) went out to lunch with him. We talked about needing to be more transparent in Youth Group. He said it starts with one or two people deciding that it’s time to be real with each other. I want to be transparent. I’m just scared. Scared because when you become transparent with those with whom you are close, you also become very vulnerable. Vulnerable to the point where you could easily get back stabbed. I’ve had that happen before. It hurts. I’m scared that if I become transparent, I’ll get back stabbed again. Anyway, the bottom line is this: I feel like I don’t have anyone I can confide in, but I need to. The pressure inside is intense. I feel like if I don’t open up and let someone in soon, I’ll just EXPLODE. I’m also scared of becoming transparent. Help me, please, God. I don’t know what to do.